Give Peace a Chance

So...did you survive the first round of holiday festivities?  It's easy to forget how stressful they can be, eh?  The cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, and the redundant conversations.  Okay, so I can only testify to the last part.  Knowing how much wine I had to consume just as a result from that though I can only imagine how many more bottles would have had to be on hand otherwise.

The holidays are so much fun though, and shouldn't result in gray hairs.  Before Christmas comes, browse through this list of safe conversation topics to curb any potential spine-stiffening hconflicts (sorry, I can't save you from the other chores).

• Your most recent travel adventure (unless it in any way involves foreign policy)
• That change you made to your house (but do not have it interlude into your next DIY project)
• The amazing pasta dish you had last month (as long as it wasn't at the hottest restaurant in town, because then they'll want a name for how to get in)
• The most recent Clooney flick (avoid details of political undertones)
• The big sale last weekend (just do not divulge any dollar amounts for judging eyes)
• The Real Housewives (refrain from describing anyone by ethnicity, race, or religion though)
• What your book club is reading (only the PG-13 literature)
• iPad or Powerbook?  (much less controversial than the age-old PC or Mac debate)
• Sports (seemingly a safe topic across the board so long as it's before the fifth round of drinks)
• Favorite Christmas cookie (bringing up actual memories typically results in unsolicited guest contributions of minor details)

An inner housewife rears her ugly, well-coiffed head

 yoinked from the inimitable Hyperbole and a Half

This weekend, my boyfriend and I hosted his little sister for her first-ever visit to Houston. Given that my manpanion and I have been living together for two years now and started dating a seeming eternity (five years) ago, it freaked me out how freaked out I was getting about her impending visit.

Despite the longevity of our relationship and her totally warm, non-threatening demeanor, Melissa’s visit sent me into more of a tizzy than any prior houseguest. Everything had to be PERFECT. Matchbook Mag-worthy. I’m not sure why I suddenly put such enormous pressure on myself; I can only assume it’s because my boyfriend's sister is in regular contact with their mother. Suddenly, oddly, it seemed important that he at least appear well cared for. A ‘50s-era housewife began rearing her hideous, unfamiliar, perfectly coiffed head. 

My To-Do list began looking more and more absurd:

• Clean bathroom
• Wash sheets & towels
• Get bedside lamps
• Paint bedside lamps to look like mercury glass lamps you can't afford
• New kitchen rug?
• **Need Tchotskes** ceramic artichokes you saw on One Kings Lane?? Anthro knobbly candlesticks??
• fresh flowers
• learn how to arrange flowers
• BAKE?!

Ultimately, my efforts were futile. I got too happy at a happy hour the night before she landed and cut my cleaning/total overhaul time by two thirds as a result. Mel was as predictably gracious and laidback as ever, and didn’t seem to notice that the grout in the shower of our 1930s home is no longer sparkling white.

Or seem to miss the nonexistent tchotskes, or mind that instead, our mantle is filled with empty bottles we've kept for sentimental reasons (also bug spray.)

Mostly it was futile because it's pretty clear who takes care of whom in this relationship, despite all my last-minute efforts at spin. We take turns. And this time, the caretaker wasn't the girl melting down over tchotskes after too many shotskies — it was the boy putting her to bed. 

Happy Weekend {At Home}!

 It's time to start whipping out the elastic waistband pants, and carrying around a flaks with you.  The holiday season is officially here!  Hope everyone is able to make it home, where ever that may be for you, in some way or another this Thanksgiving holiday

May all your Pinterest experiments be full of grace, if not perfection!

Tales of a Neurotic Retail Snob

It has come to my attention that I pay a lot of attention to retail.  So much so that I would say it has shifted from a personal hobby to an ever-evolving science.  In my never ending quest to make the world a better place, I figured this platform may best to help everyday citizens tackle their shopping woes, retail budgets, and all things related.

Perhaps you do not think your closet or pocketbook is in need of help.  Then again, you have been staring at that shoebox for over a week now contemplating whether or not that $75 would have been better spent on Dawson's Creek: The Complete Series.  Good people, we have Netflix and Hulu for problems like that and millions of answers for similar questions in judgment.  Unless those shoes looked like last year's DSW's clearance rack, the answer should be simple: PUT THOSE HEELS ON THE SHELF WHERE THEY BELONG.

Please give yourself a quick 15 seconds to look over the following personal inventory assessment...ready?

• I have spent over $20 for a basic tank top
• My closet/wardrobe is not organized in any particular manner
• I see no difference between the words "closet" and "wardrobe"
• Retail emails annoy me and I usually delete or unsubscribe
• I have never participated in a secret sale
• I strictly repin.  I am not sure where to find my own pins.
• Very rarely will I make a splurge
• I often wonder what the word "budget" means
• My most recent dress I bought was for last year's holiday party
• I find Target more than acceptable for all accessory purchases
• When in doubt, I buy the most expensive version of a style
• I think the hipsters are really onto something with their Converses

If at least five of these statements applied to you, I highly encourage lending your ear to some basic knowledge and helpful tidbits.  It's not that any one of these is bad.  It's just the combined efforts of your current shopping habits could be so much more efficient.  That's all.  Save the neuroses for me, and we'll get through this together.

Until then, Happy Thanksgiving Sales!

"Call me a snob, but I don't think it's very exciting to reply "J. Crew" when someone asks you where got your shoes or purse."--Suzanne M. Iovaldi {Disclaimer: J. Crew is a very fine and lovely brand. This statement will be studied more in-depth in posts to come}

{Image Via} 

Happy {Sassy} Weekend!

The weekend is here and it's time to get sassy!

I am too excited for one of both Caroline and mine's more colorful friends, Katie (a.k.a. Polly Pocket) to come to Chicago this weekend!  We're going to try and find Christmas lights, look at holiday window displays, and say a lot of very judgy things.  All while drinking.  It's going to be fabulous!

Hope your weekend has a lot of attitude to it!