Dr. Danny Castellano or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Television

For the past 15 years or so I have taken great pride in not watching much television at all.  Really for most of my life I cannot remember ever rushing to the TV set on a nightly basis.  Sure, there have been shows that I grew attached to.  I still remember the tears streaming down my face after the first big Ross and Rachel breakup on Friends, while only understanding the other 30% of the show.  Then there was the unexplained phenomena that was Sex and the City.  Not so much that the show was a phenomena (though it very much was).  I just still cannot connect the dots in how I went from not having access to HBO to suddenly needing the whole bible (the complete series set in a pink velour cover) immediately.

Other than those two intimate relationships though, just a few brief flings have scattered themselves here and there.  Until now.  It seems that I have wound up in a very polygamous situation with my television.  I have become someone I never understood.  I am a person with shows.

It all happened so innocently.  My Wednesday nights typically spent with Modern Family soon extended into Nashville.  Because I enjoyed this night so much, I decided to start my television watching even earlier and became an avid watcher of New Girl and The Mindy Project.  Then there was the Friday night I decided to stay in.  Ironically enough, the next morning I woke up with the feeling I had four new best interesting friends: Hannah, Marnie, Jessa, and Shoshanna of Girls fame.

When the Golden Globes aired just a couple weeks ago, I started feeling a little more like myself.  The occasional television viewer who was sophisticated enough to know and care about award shows. Something happened though in that three hours because when the show ended I felt nothing but an overwhelming anxiety of all I was missing.  How in the world could I be completely unaware of what people are calling Claire Danes' finest performance?  And who is her adorable co-star that no one knew was actually British?  I don't even want to mention the name Downton Abbey as it is still a large shame I am dealing with.  It was happening.  Or rather, it happened.  I became a person with shows OnDemand.

It must be said that I have not become one of those people who ditch their plans because they "forgot to turn their straightener off."  It's just that I have become more "organized" (don't make me say "OnDemand" again).  The truth is, I get it now.  That feeling that's escaped me for so long, I feel it now too.  It's rest.  It's relaxation.  It's love.  It's television.

Oh, and one more thing...

68 DAYS UNTIL MAD MEN!!!!!!!!!

Happy {Winter} Weekend!

 It's January, which means there are not many positives to talk about.  Speaking strictly to temperature degrees that is.  Though when the weather is this frigid it's easy to let our minds dwell in the same cold and dark places that the sharp icicles...never mind.  Point being is that most of us are ready for summer and we want it now.  With the end of January still being six grotesquely long days away, let's focus on something else.  Like the fact that summer can be just as difficult to get through at times.  How in the world could that possibly be you ask?

Let's examine....

• Male jorts.  Really though, why are these still in retail stores?
• The need to be bikini ready.  Ick.  Blech.  Yuck.
• Insects.  I am talking to you, Daddy Long Legs.
• Humidity.  This wig ain't built to survive.
• Teenagers with nowhere to go but in the way of society.
• It's like there are no new shows on.  What am I supposed to watch when avoiding said Beliebers?

So there you have it.  Enjoy these winter weekends while they're still here.  Because once summer hits, it's all going to SUCK.

Getting resolute on resolutions

The fact that this blog is more than two weeks late is testament to the utter impossibility of New Year's resolutions: both keeping and making them.

Each year we set ourselves up for disappointment, defeat and inevitable self-loathing, and I'm starting to think this whole "new beginning" thing is bollox. As with nearly everything else — from hairstyles to relationships — I'm much more adept at articulating what I aim to avoid than what I'm looking to achieve.

So, in that vein, on these points I am resolute:

• Fuck strapless everything. My boobs are no longer the solution to sag. They don't protrude all perky-like to hold my clothes up anymore; they are part of the problem. Cut-out backs are for children.

• Busy is bull. In 2013 I'm out for a slower, more introspective year. I'd like to see more of fewer people, spend some quality time looking inwards instead of surveying the room, and re-learn how to have a slammin' time solo.
  
• Poo on being poor. It's not romantic. Despite what Le Mis would have one believe, I do not resemble Fantine when I get a bad haircut and skip a shower. I look like Gary Busey. Urchin is not an alluring look for most women. So for the sake of my vanity and my sanity, this year I'ma hustle.
  
• Weekends away do not belong to weddings. I am happy to attend, a pro in the photobooth and more than capable of cutting a rug, but this year I will go on at least one mini-vacay in celebration of my own unlikely existence, rather than someone else's eternal bliss. 

So cheers to a year of reverse resolutions. What are you out to avoid in 2013?

Happy {Comeback} Weekend!

This post is in every way dedicated to the co-author of this blog, Caroline. I would like to personally congratulate her for finally willing with all her power, Destiny's Child, to rerunite.  In addition, it is a plea from anyone who has had the pleasure of reading her witty and oft-times, intellectually stimulating posts for her to come back to the blogging world immediately.

What I am saying is, my only wish for this weekend is for Caroline to be the Beyonce to my Kelly Rowland.

To everyone else, hope your weekend involves less angst than Justin Timberlake's comeback message!

Happy {Beautiful} Weekend!

Since it's the New Year, start with a new attitude.  If you're like myself and 93% of the female population you probably have a tinge of self-deprecating humor combined with an "I'm better than this" sense of elitism.  It's befuddling, especially to ourselves.  So how about making things simple?  Let's just keep the elitism and lose the rest.

Lucky 2013

Some personal resolutions for a lucky 2013:

• Write more, which will in essence allow for a greater amount of opines.
• Read more, which will in essence allow for greater debates of others' opines.
• Take chances, but maybe only when they come for free.
• Follow through, which should include adding names to mysterious cell phone number entries.
• See new places, and revisit old ones.
• Start a new routine, ideally one that does not consist of another Bravo reality series.
• Smile and nod more, and try to catch at least three furrowed brows before they happen.
• Take lots and lots of pictures, and for bonus points be in more of them.
• Decorate a new space, and make it something worth staying for more than a year.
• Make new friends, and don't be afraid to "unfriend" when necessary.
• More spinning and stretching, less far-fetched and disgruntled dreams of marathoning. 
• Don't be afraid, and just do the darn thing.

{Image Credit: via Poppytalk}