Sunday, October 27, 2013

On GSElevator and the Modern Man

When this article came out — a collaboration between the (heretofore assumedly satirical) @GSElevator and CNBC's John Carney — Suz and I responded disparately in a manner that quite surprised us both.

She found much of the advice — for example "always carry cash" and "measure yourself only against your previous self"— helpful to our contemporary dating pool, while I found the article in sum, with such directives as "hookers aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive," and "time is too short to do your own laundry," to be completely maddening.

"Not only do I want NOTHING to do with the 'man' who fulfills this list, I hope he's drafted into active combat," I griped to the writers on Twitter. (They didn't respond, presumably because I wasn't leaning against a bar wishing someone would approach and split the dessert they're too manly to eat but don't want to share.) "No laundry? Only host if someone else cleans it up? I'd prefer my men not coddled into impotence, but thanks anyway."

Six weeks later, I'm still seething at a steady simmer and Suz is still a little turned on. But equally as passionate as our disagreement on the subject is our shared adoration for one thoroughly modern male specimen: Liev Schreiber. While Suzanne argues that Liev is the debonair personification of such advice, I argue that despite some side effects of an inherently vain profession, he is a (pre-earring) Harrison Ford-style male movie star who would be appalled at the wastes of space that heed it.

We decided on a good old-fashioned debate: Is Liev Schreiber maple syrup or artificial sweetener? Bourbon or flavored vodka? Creating something out of nothing or just moving shit around?

I worked out the kinks of the argument as follows; we'll need y'all to weigh in:

Black coffee and mowing your own lawn:
- He's an unabashed family man
Exhibits A, B, C

- He doesn't mind looking uncool
It takes a certain confidence to pull this off.

- He sports unshaped facial hair
A beard shouldn't require tools; that defeats the purpose. 

- He doesn't just go for the money
Liev is a respected stage actor with a Tony award in addition to blockbuster cred.

- He knows how to rough it
One look at this New Yorker profile and you know this man wouldn't shy away from some rough-and-tumble wilderness or from trying something new.

Hair that can't accommodate a baseball cap and cuticle cream: 
-He goes by his middle name
Liev's actual name is Isaac, a perfectly normal name his parents obviously preferred but he chose to forgo.

I'll allow it.

No comments:

Post a Comment