Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Our Big Fat Italian Weddings

This past weekend another one bit the dust.  My brother got hitched to a lovely lady in Kansas City.  While still in Missouri, my family (all of whom drove from St. Louis) very much considered this to be a destination wedding.  Really what that means is that there was an available excuse for any and all incidents that would ensue throughout the weekend.  Weddings are serious business with this brood, as they are for most any other.  Here are five things you can expect to find at any nuptials, and what exactly that translates to if you're of, or tied to, my bloodline.

Tears.  Whether it's at that unforgettable moment when the bride emerges from the church doors, or during the Best Man's toast there are inevitably tears to be shed.  What you may not know is that emotions can also run haywire when the band is protective of their musical instruments.  Especially when the instrument in question is the tambourine.

Dancing.  What's a celebration without a little two-step?  Nothing at all.  You can actually spot a number of {talented} dancers at our family affairs.  They boast trademark moves such as "the march," the "fist pump," and a personal favorite of mine "hot legs."

Alcohol.  You have to give the guests something to sip on.  Unfortunately it's impossible to tea total everyone though.  So by the end of the night you'll find that one or two members have possibly been over-self-served.  It's no one's fault when this happens.  Just know that  you may have to get yourself out for one more round on the dance floor when Nicki Minaj's Starships comes on.

Displays of affection.  Love is in the air, so it's quite natural for displays of affection to be given generously.  In the case of my cousins and I we should probably just leave it at that.

Cake.  As Pinterest integrates itself more and more into our daily lives the tradition of a wedding cake is becoming less prominent.  Regardless you will be given dessert in some form or another.  Take it.  And eat it.  Otherwise come sometime after 1:00 A.M. you will be putting in a call to room service.  If the situation is dire enough you may just walk down there yourself and demand it be delivered to you on the spot.  So do yourself a favor and save the money you would spend on an overpriced toasted tortilla a.k.a. "flatbread."  You're much better off spending it on aspirin and Diet Coke in the morning.

{Photo taken by my cousin Erica}

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